~What makes a FRIEND?~

~HYPOTHETICAL QUESTION---You have a friend whose company you really, really enjoy---but this friend has a bad habit of making plans and then cancelling out on you.


This friend also gets offended because you express your disappointment and hurt and want to set up boundaries regarding friendship.


So this friend doesn't like how you react to their extreme insensitivity and lack of trustworthy loyalty and tells you the reason they avoid seeing you is because you make that friend uncomfortable with your responses of how upset you get when this friend bails on you repeatedly.


Apparently it is YOUR FAULT THIS FRIENDSHIP ISN'T WORKING OUT BECAUSE OF YOUR REACTION TO THE CONSTANT REJECTION.  Apparently this hurt and upset that you express makes your friend uncomfortable and want to avoid you even more.

It's like a vicious cycle.

FRIEND:  "I hurt you----you get angry and hurt----you tell me how you feel----I get uncomfortable and want to avoid you because I don't want to hear you tell me how upset you were to my face.  I'll stay away for a few weeks and let you cool down, then I'll come see you again once you see it MY way and let ME DO WHATEVER I PLEASE because my life is about ME and has nothing to do with YOU and YOUR CRAPPY FEELINGS.  Don't make me feel bad because I hurt you with my selfishness.  I am fully entitled not to see  you when I don't want to."


ME:  "True enough.....but guess what?  I am fully entitled to be hurt and disappointed and it is within MY RIGHTS to end a friendship like this because I don't see any mutual respect or compassion.  I would never treat my friends like this and I don't want a person like you in my life."


FRIEND:  "See, this is why I didn't want to see you.  You always react like this and it makes me want to stay away even more."


ME:  "Oh, I'm sorry I am hurt because you rejected me......(you @#$%^&&*%$^%#---translation?  fucking selfish, heartless bastard)  Explain to me again why I should be your friend?????  Why should I be okay that you do this to me over and over again????  Please, make me understand how this is MY fault??  Oh no.....don't even twist this around on me.  I didn't reject you.  I didn't treat you like an option while you make me a priority.  Yes I am angry and hurt.  You're not???  Well----I guess it's obvious then.  You don't care about me because I am irrationally upset with the constant push and pull.  I'M SORRY.....I'LL JUST SIT HERE SILENTLY AND SMILE LIKE IT DOESN'T RIP MY F-ING HEART OUT."

Now say you avoided this friend for months and months because of this issue, only to decide to give that friend another chance---and you made it perfectly clear how disappointed, hurt, and rejected you feel about it happening.


You tell this friend that you hope this isn't going to be a repeat of history because you don't want bullshit and upset feelings in your life.


So this friend asks you to hang out one day next week---then emails you and says "I ran into ____ & we're going to hang out instead".

WHAT WOULD YOUR IMMEDIATE REACTION BE TO READING THAT MESSAGE???


What would you FEEL?


What would you SAY?


What would you DO?


I really want an answer to this because this "friend" doesn't seem to understand that this is disrespectful and hurtful. You are accused of being too sensitive and controlling because you don't want to sit at home waiting like a faithful little puppy.


Am I wrong to be upset????????

I can't see this going anywhere.  I don't see how I will ever receive what I deserve or want out of this, and I know that I can't allow this to continue.

How do you open someone's eyes when they don't really want to see?

I feel like I have no choice but to add one more ex-friend to the scratch list of toxic people that I don't deserve to have in my life..............

How am I supposed to be okay when it just hurts this much over and over again?????????????

If someone doesn't care about losing me as a friend, why should I keep the door of communication open?

I consider myself to be a great friend.  I love my friends with all my heart.  I listen, and do anything they need me to do.  I reach out when I know they are feeling a little lonely or lost.  I send virtual hugs when I can't be there in person.  I make time to provide comfort and support when it is needed the most.

I feel that I deserve the same in return.

Love me, respect me, treat me like a priority.  Make my joy a desire of yours--as I only want to give joy in return.

Life is too short to be unhappy.  Don't waste time with people that don't truly care about your inner-peace, and joy.  Make me smile and I'll be your friend forever.

Make me cry and I'll make you a memory.