~I made it my goal in life to seek acceptance and pride from those monumental people who surrounded me early in life. I wanted them to look at me and say, "there goes one determined girl who's going somewhere in life". I had it all wrong.
Who gets to measure our successes? Who has the right to determine whether we're worthy or not? In my opinion, if we can't feel that utmost level of contentment within ourselves then we're doomed to crawl/walk/ride through the days of our lives lost in a pool of desires which cannot and will not be filled up by anyone else. We all hold the key to our own identity.
I have a story, you have a story, we all have a story----and none are the same. Once upon a time we all came from somewhere......some place that I don't even want to remember.
I can't 'dis' the starting place, none of us have control over those distant days long ago that some of us have allowed to define us. It's a tangled web of memories, and paths intertwined that somehow led us where we stand today......a maze of our own making.
Sure, I can say-----'but, I had no control over any of it', which is true of the early and formative years of our youth, but at some point we all need to make ourselves accountable for our future destiny.
I used to waste much valuable resources of energy hoping, praying, crying out for acceptance. I felt shame and humiliation when it was not received, or perceived in the manner in which I wanted. I judged myself based on the views of others.....based on whether they reached out and patted me on the head and said, 'good girl, way to go!' Suffice it to say it didn't happen often enough, and/or the praise didn't come from those that I had handpicked to define my status in life.
Today I stand on solid ground, my feet firmly planted in an established state of self-worth and recognition. I see who I am and I stand proud and full of grace, grateful to those who never stopped believing in me and had the ability to say so in words, spoken or not. I see the eyes of acceptance and pride, unfaltering faith, and unconditional love.
I see it in my children's eyes. I see it in the written prose sent by many who are moved enough to send their kind words. I feel it in the tender touches of the man who listens and wipes my tears, whose arms hold me when I falter and feel vulnerable and am overcome with fear and doubt, whose ears listen, whose lips utter those five little words that help me know "that everything's going to be okay".
Most importantly, I see it in my own eyes when I peer at my reflection and don't feel moved to look away in shame.
Gchi-miigwech to our Great Creator, for giving me the strength, courage, and willingness to survive. Success is not measured by the material goods we collect, nor is it determined by the hierarchy which many in society set in place and praise you for where you stand on the corporate ladder.
My identity is based on my personal perception of who I know I am.....as it should be. I am a woman of integrity with a fearless determination to overcome any challenge that life throws into my path. I may stumble and fall....I may rest and heal to rebuild my strength.....but I keep forging ahead, charting my own path, and knowing that no matter where I end up, I gave it my all and that's good enough for me.